Residual Effects
by xIAmAlsoAWe
Summary: He hated that Kensi was away, but they were "allowed" to stay in contact and being able to hear her voice from time to time was more than enough. He would rather have her by his side, but what little he had, he wouldn't trade for the world.


**Hey guys! I'm back with another _NCIS:LA_ fic. I found this after rummaging through my hard drive and just started to write again. **

**I hope you enjoy~**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own _NCIS:LA_ nor any of its characters.**

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 _"Give us five seconds of cover."_

 _"You got it."_

Deeks shook his head and rubbed a hand over his face, trying to wipe away the exhaustion from his eyes.

"You okay, Deeks?" Sam asked, his voice full of concern.

"Yeah," he smiled. "I'm fine."

Sam returned to the rest of the group as Deeks stayed in his corner, sipping the day away with a shot of saké.

The team was sitting in their private booth of the sushi restaurant, food coming in one by one. Deeks sat at the far end of the plush seats and sidled up next to the window while Sam and Michelle sat beside him. Callen and his lady friend, Joelle, sat across from him while Hetty sat at the end of the table. It was rather fitting of her if you asked him.

He picked at his rolls of sushi with his chopsticks, teeny bits of rice poking out.

He was concerned about Kensi. They had planned to message each other and she'd bailed on him. He had tried to tell himself that maybe all her crime-fighting in Afghanistan had left her tired and she'd gone to bed, forgetting their plans. He had tried incredibly hard to convince himself that that was the case, but this was something that she just wouldn't forget. He was sure of it.

And that just messed with his head.

Joelle stood up to leave and Callen had offered to take her home, but she denied his request and said her farewells to the rest of the team.

Callen returned with a smile on his face and hands in his pockets. "What?" He asked as the rest of the team and Michelle looked at him with smirks on their faces.

"Nothing, nothing." Sam replied, his smirk displayed proudly on his face as he shared a look with his wife.

"What's cracking?" A voice from behind them emanated and they all turned to see a brunette walk up towards them.

"Talia! I thought you were gonna get some rest." Deeks voiced.

She gave a shrug and said, "Thought I can get some over the next few days. DEA sent me on paid vacation. So, why not eat some damn good sushi to start it?" A wide grin appeared on her face as she slid in the booth next to Callen.

"Well said, Ms. Del Compo." Hetty raised her bowl in mock toast.

Michelle and Talia exchanged hellos as Sam thanked her for befriending the chef.

"Well, it was my pleasure." She gave a smile as Nobi Kusuhara came in with another order and an extra bowl of saké for Talia. They chatted for a little bit, but Deeks couldn't hear what they were talking about because a dull pain in his teeth and jaw radiated from the inside of his mouth.

He rubbed his hand over his left cheek and closed his eyes. That jackhammer that he had to use earlier had done some mental damage on him. He had been in a good place. Until today.

And it just wasn't today. The past few weeks – months, even – had taken a toll on him. With Kensi's absence, he hadn't been able to sleep well. Nightmares slowly came back to the surface and when they did, it usually occurred during the middle of the night. He wouldn't sleep after that – he couldn't. So he was stuck watching infomercials until his daily run and surf at 6:30. Hence, today's winter wear.

He hated that Kensi was away, but they were "allowed" to stay in contact and being able to hear her voice from time to time was more than enough. He would rather have her by his side, but what little he had, he wouldn't trade for the world.

Deeks let out a sigh and the action didn't go unnoticed by Talia. "You okay?" She mouthed as Callen and Sam bantered over whether Callen was eating eel or not while Michelle amused herself with the ongoing verbal tennis match. It always surprised her how well the two of them got along.

Deeks gave a nod and a not so good effort at a smile, but didn't respond any further.

The sound of the jackhammer made the dull ache sharper. And the memories flashed in his head.

 _'Stop it!'_ He mentally shouted at himself. He shook his head a bit to try and get rid of the flashbacks, but to no avail.

The rest of the team noticed.

Sam turned to him as he placed his hand on Deeks' shoulder and asked, "You sure you're okay, Deeks?"

"Yeah, you don't seem too good." Callen commented.

Deeks just shook his head. "I'm fine." _He hated when Kensi said that._ "I'm just tired, trying not to fall asleep, ya know?"

Hetty raised her eyebrows in suspicion, but decided to acquiesce to Deeks' persistence while the rest of the team just nodded in "understanding" and left him alone.

It was five minutes later when he walked out of the restaurant. He didn't notice that Talia had followed him out.

He walked to the end of the block and turned the corner to the silver Cadillac SRX that's parked neatly against the sidewalk. Talia stood still at the corner and watched as Deeks leaned his forehead against the driver's side of the car. She wondered if he had too much to drink. She was going to offer him a ride home when he turned, leaned his back against the car, and took out something from his waistband. It seemed to be a case to something.

The dim moonlight and nearby streetlights only made it possible for her to make out something sticking out of the case.

Deeks slid down against the car onto the cement paved concrete below with his legs bent in front of him. Slowly, he took out the protruding device from its sheath.

It was a knife.

She was going to run over and prevent him from doing something stupid, but she stopped herself when, to her surprise, two of his fingers traced the blade of the knife softly. _That was odd. Even for him._

 **.**

 _"Maybe a knife's just a knife."_

He still remembered how she shrugged as she insisted on giving him something so he could protect himself. " _My partner doesn't go in unarmed."_

He was grateful for it and still was. Now, it was like a piece of her was still with him here – in LA.

 _"And now, she's entrusted it to you."_

He knows the history behind the knife – it was her father's and she kept it with her on every mission, no matter how small. It was something that grounded her and provided her with a safety net in case anything went wrong, but she had chosen to give it to him, her partner. _Partner?_ They don't have a label specific to them, but what he knows is that they're so much more than partners in the field. They're friends; _family_ ; maybe-lovers who never got a chance to explore their relationship.

 _"Just a boy and a girl."_

 _"Hi, my name is Fern."_

 _"Max."_

They're two peas in a very distant pod, but connected by a branch and perhaps, destined to meet. If he were honest with himself, she deserves so much better than him, but he doesn't fight it when she chooses to stay. She's diamond and he's aluminum; she's Château Margaux and he's dollar store beer. But the truth is, they're both broken; halves of a long departed whole and he can't help but think that they're perfect together.

"If we only had a chance," he mutters under his breath.

He takes out his phone from his front jean pocket and checks to see if she had responded back to him in the few hours he hadn't checked the chat room.

She hasn't.

He sighs as he exits the program and goes to his photo gallery. It's not her by his side, but for now, it's enough. He's a little tipsy from the sakéas he reaches a picture of the two of them sitting together on a wooden guard rail on the boardwalk, Kensi's head on his shoulder, backs to the camera, feet dangling in midair, and a sunset reflecting the ocean as a backdrop (Nell had taken it without them looking). In that moment, he shuts his eyes and sends a prayer to whatever deity; a wish to whatever falling star above that Kensi is safe.

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 **A/N: If you enjoyed, please drop a review below! :) Thanks for reading!**


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